It's all starts there......oooo

After my first worse nightmare, where I got in a car accident last time, my second nightmare begins.  How terrible is my life when money becomes so important and desperate to me. However, these nightmares were all my faults. I always have this ‘IF’ in mind; If I don’t crashed with other people car in the first hand, this all will never happened; if there is a time machine for me to travel back to the past, I would want to remind myself to be very careful when driving; if I got new job in which the salary is 2K, I won’t be stuck in the current situation right now. 

My second nightmare is that my car condition started to get worse with changing ‘behavior’ each time I drive which cause me worried every time. I was reminiscing that the car got ‘sick’ since I bumped with other people car. Although just small part of it, but after changing the front tyre and the mechanic make some adjustment over the strong of the tyre, in which they claimed there is small problem with the parts there..Every time I changed the gear after started the car engine, it seems like the gear is hard to be inputted. Then, my father took the car to change the car belt as the mechanic thought is the car belt problem. But, I could feel that the changing gear still do not fix the problem. As a result, one week after the repair, the same problem occur again. It was worse than before..me together with my mum, sister and brother bring the car to unimas just to leave my brother there. However, when we intended to start moving back home from unimas, the gear was hardly to be set and we have made any possibility to turn it alright but every effort was useless. We thought we would be sleeping in my brother hostel for overnight already.  After an hour, things turn out to be forcefully okay, so we start moving. I even ask my sister to give me a hand to input the gear. I was praying the whole time while driving so that we could go smoothly, and not to stop at anywhere so that we were able to keep moving. We did stick at T. jaya for 5 minutes and I have to put double signal light so that other people could take over other road to keep moving. As an overall for the whole journey back home, I have missed two traffic lights as we couldn’t move the car without setting any gear.

Lastly, we felt relief when we could finally reach home.. we was having ‘heart attack’ along the whole journey. During this time (in fact not only this time especially when reaching my age), I wish there is someone close to me who could really comfort me and whom I can speak my problem to, at least just to express my fearful and gnawing situation right now. I don’t really want to trouble my family with this problem, they have enough trouble because of me..that’s when I think of someone really special who I can talk to. However, the time for relationship will come, just that not now. Worse come to worse, I might need to loan my own new car with my peanuts pay. I just have to hope the car will be alright after fixed by the mechanic; hope that he can really find the REAL problem of the car and give me the second chance to drive the car again before I need to loan a new car. The time is just not yet for me to own new car with my current situation. God please help me..thanks.