Nothing is perfect

'Nothing is perfect', this thought come across my mind when stuck between two options to make. Choosing one will tend to lose the characteristic of another one. It's extremely hard to make a decision when your intention is not to give bad impression on another or regretting of making another decision..going  bed to sleep for a while won't help much as the problem is still existing. oh....haiz........

A liar

I can't believe this is happening, when i have rushed everything to make it on time, all I have hoped for and have done is just come to nothing when procrastination occurs. You are the one that promised to do it on the week but instead you just forget about it and put it aside..I thought the things were done as claimed but then when the time ends, i found out it is not really the case..now what i expected to happen has come to nothing..all i really hope now is that the possibility will emerge in the reality so that i can reach my goal..what a pathetic situation..the moment i found out my name was not in the list, i was felt like disappointed, crying and end of the world..then further investigation revealed that it was his fault..the more i think, the more i hate him..yesterday, i was just angry for a few hours and then i come back to normal emotion, deep inside my heart, i know there is nothing more i can do about, what i can do is just pray that there is another chance for me to catch up, he is not that worth for ruin my day..people should really take serious of what they had promised and execute it as soon as possible.

歲月

這幾天日子過得有點不自在，沒爸爸的日子的確很難熬；無論如何我覺得爸爸會洞悉我們的心情和日常活動。。所以，我們不可讓爸爸擔心。。

我的生活每天都很忙碌，週末還要帶媽媽去買東西，沒時間想我的未來計劃。。想起以前，我的生活實在是太舒服和自由自在，爸爸在我們的生活扮演着很重要的角色。。現在我和弟弟都要幫忙爸爸處理這個家。。的確不容易。。

慢慢的要經過一段長時間才能適應起來。。加油吧！！

呈现给我最敬爱的爸爸

前星期，爸爸就突然的这样走了，我们对这件事还是很难接受。。我一直问天，为什么要把爸爸带走。。

爸爸代人处事总是那么地真诚，善解人意， 平易近人， 每个亲朋好友都对他赞不绝口尤其是对待儿女， 听了都为爸爸骄傲和光荣。。只是爸爸太早走， 我都还来不及孝顺爸爸，带他吃好吃的食物，让他享受，树欲止而风不止， 子欲养而亲不在，这是我这一辈子最遗憾的事。。谁也无法取代他在我们心中地位。。

以后，再也没人天天问我从放工回家的路上会多车辆吗，当我生病时没人坐药给我吃， 没人买我最爱吃的东西给我吃，没人教我认路。。。，。。。。，。。。 （情绪不稳定，不能够继续写下去了）

无论如何，爸爸永远留在我们的心中，每天都会觉得他还在我们身边。。放心吧爸爸， 我们会好好照顾自己的。。您一直都为我们；为这个家奔波劳碌， 爸爸好好休息吧。。来世再见。。

Experience of the day

Last Monday, my horoscope said I might have improper health condition for the day. During last Sunday, I already started to feel stomach ache (like there were some kinds of gas accumulated in my stomach) and I couldn’t even watch my drama under comfortable condition. I think it might be due to my sitting posture on the stool. The next morning I woke up, I felt really weak and couldn’t walk properly. In fact, I had no energy at all; I could have faint down at anytime. I felt like I was at the brink of death (choi choi choi!!!) and I just sat on the sofa chair for quite like an hour while I was trying to fill my stomach. After that, I felt a little bit better, only then could start to move to work. My mum asked me to take sick leave but then I felt like I had taken leave for many times previously and I had to wear sport sweater for keeping warm. At that particular moment, everything became trivial matters, what I wanted is just to get my health back. I got the stomach ache for 3 days which I got gradually better.

On today, Thursday, I think I know what I can do for another job prospect---I can become a direct translator. Today’s task is totally a challenging task for me as I have to make translation to the people in the meeting room using skype while the members of the meeting room talking non-stop. Why is it challenging? 1) I have to come out with the proper words and sentence instantly 2) I have to type it fast and catch the meaning at once 3) The sounds came out from the tele-conference video call was not really sharp 4) almost everybody was depending on me to make the translation for them as they don't understand mandarin, that's mean every single word I have to listen with extraordinary care; it made me nervous before the meeting. Ms Ella was laughing at me when seeing me so nervous. The first translation I made I already made a mistake by quoting the wrong person for saying those words as the voice was almost the same and I never heard Thomas spoke before. Humphrey and the rest started to laugh at me when they realised I quoted the wrong person as Ms Choo made the correction for me. After this, I could be a professional translator already. This is only my first task of direct translation in the meeting room. 

There is one part of the English drama ‘Supernatural’ which I like it very much; which I would want to share one of the lines here. This shot is recorded in episode 19 Season 6.

Dean: What has teeth and spike?

Bobby: Never seen that in my life……..

……..

Dean: What do u call these?

Bobby: Well congrats. You discovered it. You get to name it.

Dean: Jefferson Starships

Bobby: huh?

Dean: Because they are horrible and hard to kill (sounds it like as he is so proud with the name he gave to those hybrid)

Those two brother hunters (Dean Weinchester and Sam Weinchester) so intimate to each other that had made everything possible with either their hunter task and in the meantime save each others life. What I had learnt from this drama is that we can make the impossible become possible if we have a strong dynamite team as that’s where we tend to get and give support to each other.

I found the other side of myself

Recently, I had gone to area around Serian due to some job purposes such as going to see the abandon production factory at 32th miles, visited the fishery department at Tarat and also Sekuduk village with some great view of rice plantation. Therefore, I get to learn about the route from Kuching to Serian. I also got the chance to go Semengok for meeting on the training program that going to be held at there. It was enjoyable as I get to learn the route, I had the chance to go outside instead of staying in the office facing the computer (in fact sitting long on the chair is a very unhealthy practice) and I got to go with my colleague where we get to share our thoughts along the journey. Wah!!! Finally, my side of view is not limited to Kuching area ONLY. I find that I really like the job that involve outstation which is much like marketing but instead the chance to go outstation is not limited to the marketing department only. I am looking forward for more visiting to other places. Even now I think I want to save some budget for planning some trip with my friends to other area such as Phuket, Bali, and other west countries in future. My friends has planned ahead one trip to Bako but I don’t feel like want to go as I need to apply leave for that and I feel I’m not responsible and professional enough for leaving my job just like that. Hopefully, next time I will be able to join them.

Talking about my job, last Tuesday my boss from Taiwan had came to visit us in Kuching for business purpose. There was one exclusive meeting with him together with the other 2 of my colleagues. During the meeting, I was surprisingly become so defensive on my own points when the boss gave a difference opinion. Yeah, at the end I win. When I reminisced on that moment, I was speechless on my self-defense action in the meeting. The next day, I was asked to go to the Tarat fishery department with that boss and I found he is actually a boss with one side that is quite funny, just that he has to show his leadership side in front of other people so that the staffs will listen and obey to his instructions. That’s what going to happen when the fire inside the heart has started to burn up and make you become fearless to anything.

Today I go to the Spring with my mum and I has witnessed a very touching scene which nearly made me cry. The world is still fill with human beings with ‘heart’ and the seed of good deed still exists. There is one event going on with logo “g(love)bald” where there will be sponser to donate money for helping the kids to fight cancer counting by the number of head get bald. There were quite a number of people willing to get bald for helping the charity to collect money and what’s more involving the ladies with long hairs. The moment I had seen some people queue up to wait for their turn to shed their hair, I was very impressed and touched by those people. I alone couldn’t have the gut to do it. I do some how hope that in my own research field; I can contribute some parts in helping to fight the cancer. The chlorella research that going to start by my company is gonna be a great project as chlorella is one of the materials with very good medicinal and nutritional values containing anticancer and antitumor activities.

It's all starts there......oooo

After my first worse nightmare, where I got in a car accident last time, my second nightmare begins.  How terrible is my life when money becomes so important and desperate to me. However, these nightmares were all my faults. I always have this ‘IF’ in mind; If I don’t crashed with other people car in the first hand, this all will never happened; if there is a time machine for me to travel back to the past, I would want to remind myself to be very careful when driving; if I got new job in which the salary is 2K, I won’t be stuck in the current situation right now. 

My second nightmare is that my car condition started to get worse with changing ‘behavior’ each time I drive which cause me worried every time. I was reminiscing that the car got ‘sick’ since I bumped with other people car. Although just small part of it, but after changing the front tyre and the mechanic make some adjustment over the strong of the tyre, in which they claimed there is small problem with the parts there..Every time I changed the gear after started the car engine, it seems like the gear is hard to be inputted. Then, my father took the car to change the car belt as the mechanic thought is the car belt problem. But, I could feel that the changing gear still do not fix the problem. As a result, one week after the repair, the same problem occur again. It was worse than before..me together with my mum, sister and brother bring the car to unimas just to leave my brother there. However, when we intended to start moving back home from unimas, the gear was hardly to be set and we have made any possibility to turn it alright but every effort was useless. We thought we would be sleeping in my brother hostel for overnight already.  After an hour, things turn out to be forcefully okay, so we start moving. I even ask my sister to give me a hand to input the gear. I was praying the whole time while driving so that we could go smoothly, and not to stop at anywhere so that we were able to keep moving. We did stick at T. jaya for 5 minutes and I have to put double signal light so that other people could take over other road to keep moving. As an overall for the whole journey back home, I have missed two traffic lights as we couldn’t move the car without setting any gear.

Lastly, we felt relief when we could finally reach home.. we was having ‘heart attack’ along the whole journey. During this time (in fact not only this time especially when reaching my age), I wish there is someone close to me who could really comfort me and whom I can speak my problem to, at least just to express my fearful and gnawing situation right now. I don’t really want to trouble my family with this problem, they have enough trouble because of me..that’s when I think of someone really special who I can talk to. However, the time for relationship will come, just that not now. Worse come to worse, I might need to loan my own new car with my peanuts pay. I just have to hope the car will be alright after fixed by the mechanic; hope that he can really find the REAL problem of the car and give me the second chance to drive the car again before I need to loan a new car. The time is just not yet for me to own new car with my current situation. God please help me..thanks.

Towards greater change

Finally, after getting stuck in the office for long time, I feel like just want to go out somewhere to relax myself. Therefore, I had asked my ex-labmates to make a plan for a trip to Mount Gading, which is located at Lundu. During the week where we planned to go, I had anticipated for the day to come. I wished that Sunday would come very soon. As it is at Lundu, the route to Mount Gading would take long time to reach that place, that is one of the reasons I really like it as I get to somewhere out of Kuching while enjoying the scenery during the long journey. Thanks to my good friend that she had drove along the way back and forth with one way direction took around 2 hours to reach destination. Along the way from Kuching to Lundu, we had passed Bau. Luckily, it was a shinny day and there were 6 people in total joined the trip. This time, we got 3 most welcomed friends came to join us, so the environment was merrier and I had prepared myself well for outdoor use such as more proper type of clothes, lesson acquired due to the experience from last trip to Ranchan recreational park, I get to learn what should be brought and what type of clothes are suitable for trip like jungle tracking in the wood.

Like last time, I tend to make my body stay afloat again. However, I still find it very hard to work on the rock under the water as the current was like carrying me away. I grabbed my friends’ hands so tightly that I scared of being let go until I lied besides the big rock. It was quite relief as my friends always at there to help in the water, that’s why I like to go out with them. Mentioning of hiking, I find it was extremely a hard work for me.  I was quite impressed of the 2 fellow guys as they were very energetic to walk upwards without easily get tiredness. They even could sing while walking back to lower altitude. We had to ask the 2 guys to continue with their own way as we, the only 4 girls behind really to need to get a rest a while for few times along the journey. This is the consequences of people that have done less daily exercise. I couldn’t even talk when hiking as my whole body energy focused on walking only not even mentioned want to take picture when stopped by certain altitude to rest. After the hiking, I feel the pain especially my leg, but it was worth a try to go hiking as I get to burn my fat for a healthy body. Now I can really amuse people by telling them that I had climbed the mountain until the No.7 water fall, the longest route and highest water fall in Mount Gading (around 2km I think). This is really amazing for my first experience. Since the end of last time trip to Ranchan recreational park plus this Mount Gading trip, I had started to like outdoor activity. Not forgot to mention my great experience of the day, wherever I sat, I was always ‘followed’ by the leeches, unlikely my friends whom never faced this situation along the trip. I guess the leeches like me so much until they chose to such my blood at my leg part for twice. I only started to realize the leech stick to my leg when I felt itchy and I tried to remove it plus the feeling of disgusting on that slimy creature.  I was screaming for the first time and my friend try to assure me by saying it would get off when it sucked enough of my blood and she help to take it off my leg. The second time when I was sitting on the stool in the small courtyard, the second leech came to my leg again and this time I was not so afraid anymore. I even found leech in my drinking bottle plastic beg!!

What have I changed?? I change into a person that like outdoor activity more..I know how to enjoy my life now..as i used to make myself to work hard without joining any activity outside. 

                    Finally, we had reached the destination, Mount Gading.

                    The pool at the lowest altitude with crystal clear water.

                      Water fall No.7. yay!! We finally reached the summit.

 
It was rocky at the water pools downstream of the water fall.

The crystal clear water, this is what I call natural water source.

Bella's enthusiasm of getting into the water for me to capture a picture as memory.

 One member of the group just straight away jumped into the water when we reached the summit (“hahahaaa..here I come”).

Good day

My effort of getting more time by joining outdoor activities with my friends as I realized all this while, I was too focused mainly on my study to get good result and conducting experiments at the lab without having fun and get to know more about the places surrounding the Kuching area. Therefore last Saturday, I had a trip with my two labmates at Ranchan Recreational Park. Luckily, it was a sunny day during our journey when the sooty sky in the morning scared me of getting any turnabout on our plan. Despite the fact that it was quit disappointing as a few friends couldn’t join us at the end and the car owner was not punctual to surrender her car to us, it was still a memorable and enjoyable moment to firstly join this water-type activity with my friends. The place was hilarious with other groups of family or people having to spend their time together at there. Reminiscing about that moment, I had learnt to stay afloat on the water surface. I was still younglings in swimming. There was a father trying to make his little son to learn how to swim which made me feel like I am too old to learn how to swim. But words from friends, stated that there is always space for us to learn, never been too old for us to learn something new. This is also tally with the Chinese phrase; “学问是穷之不尽”.  In order to learn how to float and dispel my fear towards water, I had made myself stayed underwater for a few times and undeliberately whiffed some water during drowning. Stay in the water is not easy without a sturdy body as the water pressure was quite high that I was hardly taken a breath. It was astounding when I had showed my dashing towards challenging myself in the water. The next day after learning swimming, I started to feel the ache on my body arm and leg particularly. In addition, we had a chance to get fish massage.
The fraternity relationship among the friends is getting closer and my fondess towards sport activity is getting stronger. 

The car park area filled with other groups of people.

The water source is still clean.

The water flow on top view.

It was quit tiring walking on the ‘jungle-like track’ towards the pool.

The sign board to warn the public to be aware of their safety while having fun in the water.

Moment to remember

First time I start writing my own blog. Within this month, happy and unhappy things happened.

Talking about the happy thing, I had made a lot of new friends when I joined the 5 days 4 nights orientation covered in the training program. I got both Malays, iban, bidayuh friends which is so called 1 Malaysia. Initially, it was hard to mix with them as they talked mostly using their own language. Although I can understand a bit what they were talking about, but I still need time to catch their words slowly, but they were very helpful, try to make me talk. There was a friendly guy who is always very helpful trying to make me integrate with the group. Yeah, that was indeed very effective as I started to mix with the group the second day.

Our orientation was started in the morning time until evening time, which on the other way means I/we would get bored in the night time as we all stayed at the hostel provided. The hostel was vey comfortable with nice bed, bathroom and air-condition which is as comfortable as a hotel. During the night time, we thought want to go karaoke but end up exercised in the gyms as there were a lot of people queue up to sing in the karaoke and I was not dare to sing loudly in front of so many new faces. It was quit relief after exercise as we had 5 meals per day; which I was worried about me would getting fat. After went to the gyms, we went also to the dining room to watch TV. That was our daily night activity. I had learned a lot from the orientation although the course was all about listening to the seminar, at least the speakers not just talking, they also made us to participate during the talk.

We took our personality test using Leonard theory in which the test result was over 90% accurate on my own personality, telling about our strength and weakness as well as on how to improve ourselves. I also learned about the building team dynamic and how to become a good leader when facing conflict among the group members, public speaking, entrepreneurship and etc..which is a type self-learning and self-improve skills. It was an unforgettable moment in my life. Two of the things that I still remember are when the speaker called the girl as ‘aunty’ and the boy as ‘uncle’ no matter how old we are and one of the speaker has a funny face showing to us when he smiles.

My test result showed that I am error buster; means that friends which had problem that they wanted to talk/share, they should look for the error buster as we are the good listener and we tend to rational by analyzing the problem before making any decision.

Talking about the unhappy story, the worst history of my life ever..that day was quite a stressed day either in the office or other matters. In the office, I was given an abundance of workloads to do where I treated as a challenge to myself; then received a call from my mum saying that my brother was at his extremely deepest emotion as he had lost his phone. I was worry of my brother and at the same time started to feel stress. My mum asked whether I could drive to the school to appease my brother so that he won’t be so sad and looked for his phone..Because of rushing on road, I couldn’t break my car completely and bumped the back part of the car slightly at the traffic light. Oh oooooh..I had caused somebody car broken. This was the time that I started to face great loss in terms of financial; big and expensive lesson to learn.

Every time since I’m driving, I have a phobia when stop my car behind other people’s car..i will want to stop while the distance is far..Haven’t started to loan my own car but started to crush other people car, so pathetic.

The back part of the car that was hit from behind.

The other day in the office, my colleague and I were sneaking using Skype discussing about the whether we will be given an allowance for our January 11 working days. My colleague was quit furious on the way the company treated us by providing a reason that anybody started their work after the 15^th of the month shall not be given any allowance. It was not reasonable as we were instead wanted to start our work on 1^st of February if that is to be the case.

One other thing we are always talking about is whether we can get our allowance in the next month, April, as we suppose to get the money after 2 months. Yeah..money is very important. Money is not everything, but everything need Money!! One critical thing that I always worried about is when am I going to be sent to TM for continuing with the training. I will miss a lot of the places at Kuching, my family and my friends.  So, I decided to spend sometimes with my family at home or going out somewhere and I also plan for a trip with friends. After all this, I can release myself to TM..haha..here I come.